Long Term Relationship Advice for High Performing Women
Tips for ensuring that the relationships closest to you are empowering you to thrive
Last weekend, I got married! It was a surreal experience, and while the day went by quickly, the memories I had with my family and friends will last a lifetime! I realized early on while in college that because I was driven and wanted to have a career, I needed to be with someone who could support my ambition and not be easily threatened by my desire for more. Whether it’s a significant other or friendships, these are some tips for surrounding yourself with the right people in your life to uplift you.
You are a compilation of the 5 people closest to you
This is a common piece of advice you might hear. The 5 people you talk to the most or spend the most time with embody who you are. If you are surrounding yourself with negative people or people who put you down or people who don’t respect you, then you are going to be trapped in this negativity and insecurity. The same can be said of your friends and loved ones. Observe who are the people they spend the most time with to better assess their character.
Divide and conquer planning and execution
The best way to know if a person is reliable and responsible is how well they can work with you to complete tasks. Whether it is planning a vacation or a date, it is important to create a practice of dividing and the conquering the work together. Although it is normal for one person to want to take the lead sometimes (for example, I wanted to be more involved in my wedding planning so I took the lead on this), when a person expects you to do all of the planning and execution, it demonstrates that this person does not respect your time and is establishing the dynamic that you will do most of this work. Women are often victims of emotional labor, and invisible work like planning, delegating, and deciding often fall on them. Be comfortable with speaking up and making sure that you and your partner can work on anything together, whether it be finances, house chores, travel, or family care.
Choose someone loving, not perfect
In our world of dating, it can be hard to find someone who meets all of your criteria. The reality is that you will never find someone who meets 100% of what you are looking for because we are all human and no one is perfect. Determine the top 3 qualities of a partner that are most important to you and choose someone who loves and adores you (trust me, you will FEEL it). When you meet the right person, you will just know. It’s not about acquiring a partner who fits your dating qualifications; it’s about finding the person who makes you feel happy and loved.
Don’t be afraid to say no
This is a piece of advice I always give to women because we are socially conditioned to say yes and make everyone around us feel comfortable. If you ever feel like something is off, the relationship no longer makes you happy, the dynamic is different, or the first date is just plain weird, you have the right to walk away. Don’t prioritize someone else’s feelings over your own because this is your journey and you have to do what works best with you. This is why I would recommend you date a person for at least a year before you start making long term plans. You will get a sense of their character, how they react to different situations, what their expectations are of you, and how they will treat you over time. It is much easier to walk away before you tie the knot, so make sure you get to know the person well, ladies!